The Unmistakable Cone of Ignorance

that is all.

It’s good for you to meet people like us.

i have words
i shall use my words
my words tell me…

“The system you wish to solve is a hideous bitch that will consume your entire processor and 2 gigs of ram only to return ‘it cannot be solved.’.”
of course my words could be wrong
you never know with words
they’re tricky that way
like potatoes
words are god’s cruel joke

I cannot put my left shoe on before my right shoe.  I’ve tried.  It freaks me out so bad I take my left shoe off then put the right one on before I put the left back on.  I don’t know why but I always put the right shoe on first.  Always.  At least I think I do. I can’t think of a single instance of putting the left one on first.   I’m pretty certain I’m willing to go all Gulliver’s Travels about this point.

RIGHT SHOE FIRST! DEATH TO THE LEFT SHOE FIRST HEATHEN DOGS!

Today Amanda and I went to the mall by my grandmother’s house. Pittsburgh Mills.   There’s an indoor mini golf place inside the mall.  It’s all black lights and glowing shit on the walls and holes.  None of the holes were very hard and we were done fast but I got like 33 pics with my camera phone.  That means the pics aren’t that great but you’ll get the idea.

So here they are…CRAAAAZY GOLF!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  If given the choice between a massively badass cybernetic body and my flesh I’d be almost certain to go with machine provided the machine is actually better than the flesh. Faster, stronger, more flexible, harder to break. Sure maybe I won’t be able to have sex or what not but meh I think I can live with no sex if I can smash bodily through cement walls.  Ethics be damned I’d cheerfully join whatever special forces or military I had to to get the badass body.  The other option is bio engineering and some power armor.  Honestly, I’d probably go with massive musculature and regeneration plus mental connection to power armor over all machine body.  God damn I wanna be a space marine.  9 feet tall, 2 hearts, 3 lungs and almost unstoppable regeneration and enough raw power to rip a steel bulkhead out of a wall.  Sign me up!

When I was 5 and at Disney World I punched Chip in the stomach to demonstrate that he was a robot. My 5 year old brain didn’t quite wrap itself around the fact that any human would be willing to wander around in the Florida heat dressed as a giant chipmunk. Sadly they do….

I think there might be a picture of it somewhere too… god I hope there is. I also put a kink in Goofy’s tail.

This story more properly belongs to Amanda and Dave, but I’m watching the X-files right now and I thought I’d tell it.  The three of us are in Indianapolis at GenCon 2005 and we’re at Radio Radio for the Cruciform Injection annual GenCon show.  Mr. Hagland is a guest at this particular GenCon, though judging by the look on his face everytime we walked past him at his booth not a particularly energetic/happy to be there one.  Either way, he comes to the CI show and as far as I can tell has a blast.  By the end of the show he’s also piss drunk and managed to seemingly pick up two of the(too few) girls attending GenCon.  That just sets the stage.

So the show ends and we flag down a cab to head back to the hotel when I realize I’ve forgotten  to close out my tab. So we get the cabbie to turn around and I run back in.  I see Mr. Hagland and girls outside waiting for a cab on my way back in and don’t think anything of it.  While I’m inside the following conversation occurs(as best I remember the telling of it)

Mr. Hagland: Hey, got room in that cab for 3 more?

Dave: Naw, we’re full up.

Mr. H: We can fit in there’s room…

D: No, we’ve got 3. no room.

Mr. H: Well how bought we take this cab and you get another?

D: No.

Mr. H: Well, do you know who I am!?!

D: Yah, you’re Dean Hagland.

Mr. H: Oh, you do know who I am.  Oh well later.

That’s when I return.  If I fucked that up too much Dave and you read this let me know. But the important bit was the “Do you know who I am!?!” part of the conversation.  Mr. H looked like he had a massive hangover the next day.  He was also like 30 minutes late to sign autographs.  His day must’ve sucked.  A hangover and forced proximity to gaming nerds.   For The Defeat!

I just found this gem last night with the Firefox “Stumble” extension.

Tales of a Street Sweeper

It’s a guy talking about the 8 months he spent on 3rd shift cleaning up garbage and filth in the streets and the mayhem that ensues.

I’ll post those book reviews and talk about philly and my trip home soon. I swear… ha!

Do you ever have a burning sensation when you pee? It could be that you have bladder badgers and they are clawing their way down your urethra. Another sign of bladder badgers is general pain in the bladder. That pain results when the bladder badgers have a bladder badger battle in your bladder. Nothing can incapacitate you as a fast as an out of control bladder badger battle between many bladder badgers in your bladder. now say it 5 times fast. BLADDER BADGER BATTLE!